Home Sweet Home

Not having a mother anymore, I used to get upset when I see someone talking to his/her mother in a less than pleasant way. I used to think that they don’t know how lucky he/she is to still have a mother. But then I gave it more thought and decided that it was me who got lucky to have a mother like mine. A mother who was not just a mother, but also a friend. She was my best friend, my partner-in-crime, the person who understood me the most. Why do you think I haven’t got over her death after all these years?

My mother was the heart of the house. After she died, home just didn’t feel like home anymore. It was a house, yes. But definitely not home. My mother was home. That’s why I didn’t have any objection when my brother asked me if he could rent out my bedroom to some college student a couple of months ago. Whatever. It was just a room. Only now does it hit me that if I did go ‘home’, I wouldn’t have a room to stay anymore. And I thought I would always have at least a room to return to, no matter how long I’d been away. But my brother could use the money and I probably wouldn’t go back to Indonesia in years so…

I guess it is official now that home is wherever my beloved husband and I live. Currently, it’s Waterloo. Who knows where it will be in the future. It might not be my native land or the place where I grew up. But it is home, because this is where my heart is. And that’s all that really matters.

Categorised as Life


  1. This post definately tugged at my heartstrings. My mom was also my best friend. It’s been nearly a decade since she passed and there isn’t a day when I don’t miss her. It’s especially difficult when I’m going through trials or triumps.

  2. My father passed away 5 years ago.. so I am truly understand what you mean when you get so upset to see others treat their parents less in a pleasant way πŸ™
    Hi Firda.. πŸ™‚

  3. yeah, i know what you mean. growing up all over the world, indonesia somehow never meant home to me. home was where my parents were. now home is the little flat i share with my husband πŸ™‚
    although sometimes i wish i could just crawl into my parents’ bed when i’m not feeling well πŸ™

  4. I lost my mother four years ago. She was my best friend and confident; my strength and my mirror. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about her. When I meet new people, I feel sorry for them because they won’t get to know her.
    I totally understand your feelings.

  5. I’m lucky my parents are still there. But I didn’t have my ‘home’ anymore. It’s the house where I grew up. I still don’t know why I’m unable to call other places home…

  6. Hi:
    It is hard losing your mom. I lost my mom at 67 years of age, on Dec 13/05, I also had a newborn baby daughter on Nov 13/05 she is so precious and when mom was in the hospital atleast she got to hold her. She died of Pnemonia after fighting bad nerves for 2 years and lost too much weight to fight it. We were best friends too, and I wanted her to be around for the baby, as I also have a 9 year old son and she adored him. We live in Alberta now for over 22 years and the rest of the family is in Ontario, so now I am very lonely all the time, my husband is a great help but works long 12 hour shifts day/night. I still cry for my mom everyday and I am on antidepressants to try and help, seing grief counsellor too. I wish it wouldn’t hurt so bad everyday and I can’t wait for it to start lifting abit. I am 40 yrs old and it is so hard to loose your mom at any age. When did you find that it got easier? I still have to pack up her house too, that is going to be sooo hard. I have someone watching my little girl two days a week, until I get a little better, I am lucky as she is a happy girl and has grandmas eyes, I just miss her help so much. And felt guilty that I had to put her into the hospital, but she got so weak at home with us and was falling allot. The day she died I flew my two Aunts her sisters out-I am an only child and told her it was o.k to let go, she was non responsive and on oxygen at the time, but started shaking her head no and started to have tears come down her cheecks. That image is still in my head and I hate it she passed away 15 minutes after my and baby left with my Aunts with her. Her doctor was not the greatest also, didn’t give her any anitbiotics until the second day of her pnemonia, they think she choked on a pill and that caused the pnemonia in the lungs. I never thought she would die, and when the baby was born she begged me to come into the hospital but it was winter and late at night I feel so much guilt over that too. But what can you do? I guess time is a great healer, I know and hope she is watching over us. sounds silly but I wish she could tell me she is o.k. It is a long road isn’t it. Well, know that I chatted your ear off. Hope to hear from you soon. Take care of yourself.

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